The death of a soul
by Mikemartel
Summary: Donatello is shattered, he did something he should never have done, for this will change him forever.
1. Epilogue

Hi guys, I'm knew to this, it's my first fanfic and my first time writing in English, usually I'm writing in French so please excuse me for any errors. I've been a huge fan of the turtle since I've seen them for the first time in the early nineties. I wanted to make a story that explored the bond of the turtle family and the darkness that surround their lives.

As he open the door, Leonardo became aware of the dark silhouette at the back of the room. It was sitting in a hunch position. His outer line demarked by the light of a candles. The air was thick with the smeel of blood, sweat and burning wax. The fearless leader could see the blood on his brother, who was shaking while silently weeping. He approach slowly and put his hand on the shoulder of the one he thought to be Raphael. His face was buried in his hands and his bandanna was nowhere to be seen.

'Raph ? He asked in a whisper.

Slowly his turtle brother showed his face to reveal that he was not the one his brother was thinking. It was Donatello and in the dept of his eyes, a harsh and profond pain could be read. Startled, Leonardo couldn't believe what he was seeing in his little brother's eyes. Never before anyone of them had seen him with so much sadness. It was devouring him completely, something had died.

His body was covered in blood, his and the one of his enemy whoever that has been. Something was wrong, he had never seen his young brother like that before, usually it was Raph that came back home in such a state. To see the distress in which the purest of them was, was unbearable. This couldn't be happening.

When Donatello recognized Leonardo, he jumped in his arms, crying uncontrollably, unable to contained what was inside of him. He was gripping his older brother so strongly that he was hurting leo, shaking, yelling out whatever was hurting him like that.

Don? What happen? What going on? Why are you covered with blood? Panicked Leo

Raphael, Michelangelo and Master Splinter came in the room wondering what was going on. The sigh of Donatello crying his guts out disturbed them and they stand there, to shocked to ask questions or inquired about what was the meaning of this.

Leonardo looked at each of them, pleading for their help in consoling him. He didn't knew what to do except hold him as strongly as he could. The other ones snapped out of their trance and kneel around Donatello and touched him in order to make him feel their presence. Seeing how he was crying, they waited for him to calm down and tell them what happen to make him look like that. But he just wailed for hours saying 'what have I done. What have I done, What have I done, What have I done."

And for hours they stayed like that, huddled together, bathed by the warm light of the candles, and praying that whatever was torturing their brother, was not too bad..

I know its not much but there will be more I promise. I just need time more time since it's my first story in English and about the Turtles. I want to do this right, please review and feel free to give your advices.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

_Started the story a little bit drastically. I think the situation was very dramatical and I thought, why not going even more dramatic._

Their brother cried for so long that he eventually felt asleep in their arms, exhausted. The candles were almost completely burned out and the air was so heavy that it seem like it was about to crack. But nothing happened. They stayed together, watching Donatello sleep, too scared of waking him up to move.

Master Splinter stood up and asked his sons to take Donatello to the bathroom so he could wash him. Leonardo took him in his arms, lifting him carefully, and quietly made his way to the bathroom while Raphael and Michelangelo followed behind, a worried look on their faces. After putting him in the bathtub, the old rat told the turtle to leave so he could take care of the purple one. He closed the door as they left and kneel beside the bath.

He watched him sadly and, with a gesture full of tender and love, started to wash up the blood.

" What happen my dear son, to make you full of pain and misery? he said to himself, what have you done that could torture you like that?"

"Oh Donatello, I hope…I hope it was not what I think.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, the other turtle we're sitting at the table, looking at each other with puzzled looks.

" What did you do to him Leo, asked Raph, grinding his teeth."

" Why would you think I put him in such a state ? "

" We all know that you put a lot of pressure on him lately."

" I'm just trying to help him in his training that's all, I haven't made anything to stress him and you know that, He ask me himself to help him, he wanted to more useful. I don't know where he got the idea that he was not giving enough. "

Raphael was stiff, his anger toward his brother raising with every passing seconds.

" Yeah, I wonder who might have put such a idea in his head, it would be the first time any of us is thinking he's not good enough."

Leonardo was not surprise by the fact that Raph was blaming him, but he wasn't sure where he was getting.

" Look I know I can be demanding, but it's not my fault he's like that. How many time have you came home covered in blood from some random fight? You want to play the hero, fine, but don't put that fixation of yours on my fault. It's not because I put pressure on you that you go out and kill people, it's your anger and your thirst for blood. "

Raphael stood up and jumped at his brother over the table

" I'm gonna beat the crap out of you!"

" ENOUGH"

Raphael stop his movements at the same time he heard the voice, his fist frozen in the air, Leonardo under him. Splinter was standing at the kitchen door, a look of disappointment in his face.

" Your brother is in a crisis and you are fighting, he said, his voice shaking, this is not the time to quarrel. You will be quiet and let your brother sleep, if I hear another sound I will make you silent, I am being clear!"

Never before the brothers had heard their father said such a thing or been angry like that. He was litteraly shaking because of it. He was gripping his walking stick has if he wanted to break it or hit them with it.

He approach the table slowly, looking Raphael with a warning look. Leonardo and Raphael stood up and looked down, too afraid to look at their father. The old rat took a deep trembling breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, the fire of anger had left them and he put a reassuring hand on each brothers.

" I know you are worry Raph, but you should not blame your eldest for what happen to Donatello. He can't be blame for any actions one of you take. He is only trying to do what is best for you.

Right know your brother need rest, we will go to the bottom of this and deal with this as a family, and I will not permit and division between us, I am being clear enough ?"

" Yes master, answered the two brother together."

" Michelangelo, go to your brother and take care of him, I sense he will have a difficult night."

The youngest one hurried to the room he shared with Donatello without a word, leaving the scene quickly as possible. He was used to see his brother fight but this was different. Something wrong was going on with the purple brother, he never had been in such a state, he was always sharing his feelings before anything bad happened and if he was not feeling good he was always talking to him. And he certainly never came back to the sewers covered in blood.

He entered the room quietly, and lied down with Donatello. His brother was in a deep sleep, but he was still shaking. He moaned and turned in his sleep, his eyes moving furiously behind his eyelids.

" I'm here Donny, there's nothing to worry about, whispered Michelangelo, your safe now."

And the night went slowly as he watched over his brother's troubled sleep.

_Hope you like that one, I'll be doing my best to make the story deeper. I find it hard to write in English but I'll get better. It's a good challenge and I want to do a good story. Feel free to give me any advice about the story. Stay tune._


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys, new chapter, I hope your going to like it. _

The morning came slowly, everything still; the only sound was the dripping of water leaks. Everything was still, quiet and peaceful. Donny woke up to see the face of Mikey close to his, he could smell foul breath, it smelled of something unknown. This was probably what have had wake him. He looked at his brother's face, a worried look could be seen even though he was fast asleep.

Donny got slowly out of bed, careful not to disturb his brother's sleep. Michelangelo stirred and his sleep and muttered something about a dancing fish or a queeny triceraton, he wasn't sure, Mikey had the craziest dreams. But it didn't make him laugh like usual, nor even smile.

He stayed like that for a minute, unsure of what to do with himself, he felt numb and empty. He exited the room quietly and went directly in his laboratory, closing the door behind him, making sure nobody could come in. He sat at his desk and looked at his experiment, wondering where to start, but somehow, his head remained empty. It seemed pointless now, unimportant, and useless. He looked around slowly, taking in every detail. Feeling like everything was unreal and distant. As if it was somebody else material.

Images from the day before came back slowly in his mind, reminding him of the terrible events that took place. His eyes became glassy and full of tears, his heart shattered once again, and tears started run down his face, hot against his skin. He cried for a long time, alone in his office, until his eyes we're dry.

Splinter was in the kitchen when he heard the muffled crying of his son coming from his laboratory. He knocked on the door delicately:

" My son? Do you want to talk?" he asked,

But Donatello did not answered, just kept crying.

" No matter what happen my son, remember that your family is here for you and that we will listen when you'll be ready. Take all the time you need. I love you."

Splinter made tea and sat quietly in the kitchen. Leonardo came in and sat with him.

"Did Donny say anything yet?"

" No, you will have to give him time, he is very trouble and in great pain. He will not talk unless he wants to. Give him the space that he need to recover from what happen, he need solitude for now, so that he can process and deal with his suffering. It could take a long time, you'll have to be very patient and stronger than ever."

" Yes father, I'm just so worried, what could have possibly put him in such a stage? I should go out with him, nothing of this would've happen if I had been with him."

Splinter shook if head slowly and looked his son deep in the eyes.

" Do not take the weight of this situation on your shoulder, it is not your fault if something happen to on of your brother, you won't be able to protect them all the time. And they need suffering if they are to be strong and become men. This is a part of life. You need to be strong in order to support your brothers in time of need; this is what being a leader is about. "

" It is so hard to see any of them in such a state, I wish I could be more helpful."

The old rat look affectionately at his son and smile to him, he knew Leonardo wanted to be the best leader he could be, but sometimes he was trying to hard and could forgot to be a brother instead of a chief.

" It's been two days already, he'll have to come out eventually, I'm tired of this shit!"

" Come on Raph, he just need sometime."

" 48 hours is plenty o' time, said Raph angrily, if he won't come out, I'll busted this damn door"

Raphael rushed to the door and knocked so hard the door made a horrible cracking sound

" Open the door you purple pussy! He yelled, you're supposed to talk to us; we your brothers damn it! Did somebody kick your ass?"

" Come on Raph, said Leonardo, leave him alone he need time to process."

" Shut up, ya just repeating what dad told ya"

" Well if that's what Dad is thinking you should listen, he's a lot smarter than you, you know, said Michelangelo. Since Donny can't tell us what to do we'll have to listen to dad until then."

Raphael looked at his brothers, an insult coming to his lips, but he stopped himself. Even him knew that what they we're saying made sense. Donatello was always crying, but this was different, whenever he had problems before, he always came to his brother to talk it out. And when it was him who was in a bad mood, his purple brother has always waited for him to talk. He didn't want to admit it, but he was sick with worry, he hadn't slept the night before because of it. It was not like Donny to cry secretly, even if they could all hear him. Usually he was crying like a baby in the arm of Leo or Michelangelo, and then he would drink a coffee and work in his lab singing stupid song like Star Wars theme or some other geeky tune.

" Well he better be quick about it, I'm tired of it."

He could hear his brothers talking through the door but he didn't care. He didn't want to talk to them; they wouldn't be able to understand. This was different, life would never be the same again, he had done the unthinkable. Even Raph couldn't had have done such a thing. He was trying to figure out what had happen, but it wasn't making any sense. He was not capable of such actions. But he had done it and he could understand, all he knew was that he had done it and that it couldn't be undone. And he knew that he could not say anything to his brother, for they would not be able to understand, nor forgive him.

He made his decision and decided to get away, he took a bag from his lab closet and started to pack.

_Another chapter done, I'm trying to build the tension, I hope it's working. Give me reviews if you like it or not, that way I'll be able to make the story more interesting. I'll update as soon as possible._


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